In the Outer Darkness

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I’m upset.  Maybe I’ve become sensitive about my art and years of effort I’ve put in, 26 years for A-Kon.  Akon25 Aki OnSite sml But the seemingly off hand dismissal of the value of my work by the current A-Kon staff has really upset me.  It would seem that the Geishabots are no longer desired, it time for a change from the iconic robot girls, and the work for this year’s A-Kon has been given to others without notice to me.  Oh, they will be happy to use anything I give them and use it for any shortfalls in art coverage. Plus they will still let me have my artist alley table for this year.
This has made me a tad bit upset, doing the work for A-Kon has ment so much to me.

Why is it that I can have fans, followers, and contacts with other artists and SF writers, and be recognized for my skill and imagination by folks all over the world, but still get little recognition in my local area and by the convention I’ve done work for the last 26 years, when I’m remembered at all.   A rep from a USAF intell unit can find a way to contact me to do a morale t-shirt( and they were so stoked to have me do the work), but A-Kon’s staff cannot…even though they have my info.

I have always felt like an outsider in regards to DFW’s cliquish fandom, like a comet that comes in once a year, produces a show, and then plunges back into the outer darkness.
It would seem that the comet is now cast off…into the outer darkness…the light dimmed…far from home.

The only thing that keeps me from completely despairing is that I do have fans and the attention of SF professionals, people that consider what I do as valuable and worthwhile.  It still hurts that I have to find such affirmation so far from home.

I must work. I must do the work for myself.

Still…I have a hollow feeling inside.

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